I know what some of you are probably thinking, “Why would you ever cut such a great hairdo?”. The picture of me on the left is during my sophomore year of college. The picture on the right is of me speaking at a business conference in Melbourne, AU in front of about 1,500 people just a few weeks ago.
Back to the picture on the left…
After growing up in a town of only 11,000 people, I was fully enjoying my time at UW-Madison with a campus of about 50,000 people and plenty to do. I was having fun going to sporting events, checking out the party scenes and of course, getting in some studying. However, as in the case with many students, I went from being one of the smartest people in my classes in high school to just another student in my collegiate classes. I would say I was probably above average, and maybe felt a little more comfortable in social environments than your average engineer, however, there wasn’t a whole lot outside of my hair that would have stood out comparing me to all my classmates. Luckily for me, I realized two things at this point in my collegiate career that changed everything.
Being technically sound in an area was not enough to thrive in the 21st century
This is the first thing I realized. Frankly, if you think that being able to write a macro in an excel sheet or remembering the difference between a derivative and anti-derivative is going to move you up the ladder to success, you’ve got another thing coming. By being one-dimensional as a technical individual you’re only going to find yourself hitting a ceiling everywhere you go because it is an absolute necessity these days to be able to show more.
Having extensive aspirations without putting any work and effort behind it only makes you a motivated underachiever.
The second was that I knew deep down I didn’t want to work for someone else my entire life. The thought of crunching numbers and designing things behind a desk in a cubicle or office for 50 years actually scared the crap out of me. Listen… there’s nothing wrong with that if that is truly what you want. But if it’s not, you have to start taking steps towards doing something about it.
So how did I go from being there in college to running a couple different businesses and having the privilege to travel the world with the opportunity to impact people? It took a lot of self-growth as well as the willingness to get out of my comfort zone. I had to intentionally work to grow as a person for several years. It’s not easy, but coupling self-improvement with a fail forward mentality, resulted in success I could have barely imagined. So, here’s five things I did that you can keep in mind if you find yourself in a similar position where you’re struggling to make that change and “Go for it”.
Number One: Improve Your Image
First and foremost, I cleaned up my image. We’ve all heard the phrase; a picture speaks a thousand words. And while we aren’t talking about an actual picture here, that first impression people have when they see you is very similar to that phrase. Who do you take more seriously, the person who clothes are baggy, they aren’t cleanly shaven and have hair that goes everywhere or the person who’s the opposite and well put together?
I’m not saying we should judge a person’s value by how they look, and I’m certainly not saying that you all go out there and change your wardrobe a Barney Stinson suit and tie everyday either. But do your best to look presentable where people will take you seriously. There are dozens of studies out there that prove your self-image rises when dressing up. So, I improved my wardrobe without spending a ton of money, got a cleaner haircut let the confidence I did have shine through.
Number Two: Have a Positive Speech Pattern
Merely cleaning up my image wasn’t going to help me take significant strides forward though. I had to do 10 TIMES more changing internally than externally. And for me, it all started with my speech pattern. Whether it was my own self talk or what I’d say externally to others, I intentionally and aggressively started to work on improving my speech pattern to someone who is more confident and positive. As engineers, we are typically trained to find the problems in things, and I had to look at situations with a completely different lens.
So, to start out in this area, I created a short self-talk I would say to myself each day. Positive affirmations to both the person I was and who I was pushing to become. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, but it’s amazing what reading affirmations does to yourself on a daily basis. As I continued to make that a habit, I started to see the changes in my speech pattern to others as well. And while it wasn’t an overnight change for me, it was happening slowly day by day. And the best part was, others noticed the difference as well and I became a more enjoyable person to be around.
Number Three: Add Value to Yourself
In addition to developing a more positive attitude and confidence, I also had be able to add some value to myself so that I felt good about getting out of my comfort zone and adding value to others. It was a necessity for me to know what I was talking about in the business world as my age didn’t exude a seasoned professional. Whether I was one-on-one in a business meeting, or speaking in front of a small crowd, I needed to show my competency immediately if I was going to hold other people’s attention.
I got very intentional about both learning the in’s and outs of the business world, as well as growing my soft skills to be more engaging and captivating. I started listening to podcasts and various audio talks, I watched videos of people public speaking, I read self-development and business-oriented books. I guess what I’m saying, is that I did just about everything to soak up as much mindset and value as I could realizing that I couldn’t provide what I didn’t have. The more educated you are, regardless of the subject, the more confident you are.
Number Four: Put In Some Action
But even for an engineer like myself, at a certain point, you need to stop just learning and start doing. Most people are experiential learners. If you think it’s as easy as finishing a book and you’re magically the next Steve Jobs and a natural up on stage where everyone wants to hear from you, you are utterly wrong. We’ve all heard practice makes perfect and this is no different. I had to get off my ass and stop thinking about getting out of my comfort zone and actually just do it.
I started small, both in the business world and with my public speaking. On the business side, I just started to sell a few products online. A couple things here and there led to a little side cash but nothing too crazy. Around that same time, I remember the first public talk I gave was to a small audience of about 15 people and I spoke for a whopping 5 minutes. But everything significant has to start somewhere. And to no surprise, the more I did both in business and speaking, the better I felt and the more confidence I had.
But after several years (and I can’t emphasize several enough… overnight success is a myth. You’ve got to buckle up and be ready for a journey, because there’s no way creating anything substantial is going to be easy) those $10 checks turned into 4 and 5 figure checks, and those 15-person audiences became 1500.
Number Five: Get a Mentor
Lastly, and probably most importantly in my journey to creating the success I did, was that I sought out input from a mentor and coach as I was growing my businesses and confidence in speaking. And no, I’m not talking about my parents or friends or even my favorite podcaster on YouTube. I see more people than I care to admit that are way too lackadaisical in this area. I’m talking about a legitimate individual that I created a personal relationship with that had the credibility and experience to teach what I was trying to do.
And it wasn’t easy to find either. But by taking this seriously, and finding the right person, the amount of time I saved and struggle I prevented from figuring things out on my own was well worth the wait. I sometimes hear the phase “It’s lonely at the top”, but I’d have to emphatically disagree with that. Because in my mind, that’s only the case if you allow it to be. The ladder to success should be packed full of people both helping you and visa-versa. Which is why I’ve also dedicated some of my time to providing that guidance to others now.
It’s my belief that if you’re going to receive a benefit in some way, it’s common courtesy to turn that around and give back to others. Not by handing out free lunches, but by giving people that extra little push that may be all the difference in them making it or not.
In summary, my tips for getting out of your comfort zone and growing your self image:
- Improve your image
- Self talk/positive speech pattern
- Add value to yourself (personal development)
- Put in action
- Get a coach/mentor
My hope is that some of you who read this don’t just see it as a story of my journey, but that you apply it in your own life with whatever situation may be out of your comfort zone. For me it was public speaking and entrepreneurship, but that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case for you. Whatever your hurdle, may this provide some tips and an example that you can overcome as well. And please feel free to leave some thoughts below. Feel free to comment on how this has helped you or leave a suggestion to others on things that worked for you.
Wishing you all success wherever your journey takes you,
Kyle